Realizations
by Gurib
Summary: A Nyotalia one-shot. Based on the story "Goodbye, Lovino Vargas", first attempt at writing, so please, don't be to harsh. - Lavinia realizes that, even when she mourns so much and is so depressed, she'll never be brave enough to commit suicide. Warnings: playboy!nyo!Belgium, depression


**A/N: First story published on .**  
**Based on the story "Goodbye, Lovino Vargas" and my own life.**  
**Enjoy (if you can).**

**P.S.: The names used here are:  
Lavinia=Nyo!South Italy  
Felicia= Nyo!North Italy  
Carmen= Nyo!Spain  
Thomas= Nyo!Belgium  
Julia= Nyo!Prussia  
Francine= Nyo!France  
Louise= Nyo!Germany  
Daniel= Nyo!Hungary**

**P.S. of the P.S.: The Nyotalia personalities aren't the same as the Hetalia ones. Therefore, some of the character may look totally OOC here.**

Warnings: depression, playboy!nyo!Belgium

* * *

Lavinia stared.  
At the ugly ceiling.  
Ugly.  
But not as the situation she was in.  
Because.  
She wasn't as pretty as Felicia.  
Not as charming.  
Not as nice and smart and funny.  
No.  
She was the sarcastic, bitchy and masculine sister.  
She had no feelings.  
At all.  
Because.  
Lavinia Vargas didn't deserve a thing.  
Her best friend liked her.  
Yeah, Carmen liked her.  
Maybe.  
But, at the end.  
She'd be leaving too.  
Because everyone leaves.  
No one stays with Lavinia for too long.  
She's just annoying, after some time.  
And anyway.  
It's not like she'd care about being thrown away.  
She has no feelings.  
She's heartless and cold and insensible.  
Of course.  
That was why Thomas would always prefer Francine.  
Francine was charming and beautiful.  
She was a great dancer, artist, singer and all.  
Lavinia was clumsy and stupid and useless.  
She could only fight.  
And hurt people.  
That was all one could get from the way she acted.  
Nothing else, in fact.  
Because, even if he broke up with Francine.  
He'd probably go for Felicia.  
Or for Louise.  
Or any other girl.  
Because he'd never ask out a girl like her.  
So not feminine.  
Not popular.  
Not smart.  
Not nice.  
Nothing.  
She was simply nothing at all.  
Wasn't she.  
At the end, no one would have missed her.  
Once she was gone.  
Forever.  
Even Daniel.  
He told her.  
Her old best friend told her.  
To quit bitching.  
That he won't like her while she kept acting like that.  
That she won't be loved if she kept being such a sarcastic bitchy tomboy.  
Because she wasn't quite good.  
She wasn't good being herself.  
Now, if she dressed better- or more like, putted on less clothes.  
Used make-up.  
Acted more girly.  
Acted sweeter and caring.  
Maybe he'd look her way.  
Maybe he won't just toy with her.  
But she couldn't quite do that.  
Because "changing yourself to fit in is stupid".  
And, it was the truth, after all.  
But if others couldn't quite get it.  
It was pointless.  
She'd been pointlessly wounded.  
Multiple times.  
But no one cared.  
Because it was fun.  
To treat her like shit.  
Hate her.  
She was shit, anyway.  
Wasn't she.  
So she snapped out of it.  
The agonizing trance.  
Tears ran through her face.  
From her now blood-stained olive eyes.  
And she was there, staring at a ceiling.  
A white ceiling.  
She wanted to die.  
Maybe she would.  
After all, she wasn't that good.  
If Julia left her.  
If she only had Carmen.  
Because she was just that... miserable.  
Pathetic.  
Carmen could smile without her.  
Felicia would forget.  
She was deep and meaningful,caring and sweet, but she also knew.  
How to move on.  
How not to cling on things.  
How not to be bitchy and do something to change the situation.  
Lavinia didn't.  
Lavinia couldn't do anything.  
And Thomas.  
He'd find other toys.  
Maybe less bratty and bitchy.  
And more attractive.  
Louise would be happy.  
Lavinia always hated the German girl- less problems to deal with, if she was gone.  
Julia wouldn't really care.  
Because Lavinia was that pathetic.  
That was why she left her for "better" friends.  
She was pathetic and stupid.  
Not really nice.  
Always judging.  
Foul-mouthed.  
Hateful.  
Nothing special, really.  
Maybe Carmen would finally hook up with Thomas.  
Yes.  
Because Lavinia noticed.  
How Carmen talked to him.  
Yet, she said that she didn't care about him.  
Just not to make Lavinia jealous.  
But she didn't know.  
How much Lavinia hated to be treated like that.  
Like a stupid.  
Utterly stupid and useless girl.  
No, she didn't know.  
But at the end, Lavinia know.  
She wasn't gonna kill herself.  
Too coward, even for that.  
She'd just cry her eyes out, and nothing more.  
All she could do was that, after all.


End file.
